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A Rest Stop From Depression and Thoughts of Suicide
Depression, Suicide:
Cognitive-Emotional Self-Help
Stephen L. Bernhardt
Volume IV
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UNDUE AND UNRESOLVED STRESS:
I have mentioned undue and unresolved stress before. I use the term undue stress to refer to any situation in life where the stress is so extreme that we are forced to somehow find a solution in order to maintain control of our emotions. It is undue stress because for the most part it results from situations in life over which we have little or no control. Many times undue stress is caused by the loss of someone or something dear to us and that loss forces us to redefine our concept of self.
If we lose a loved one, it is no longer ‘we’, it is now only ‘I’. I used to be a carpenter, now I am ‘retired’ or ‘unemployed’. I was most of my life intelligent and healthy, and now I am senile and sick. We used to be married, and now I am divorced. I used to be a happy child, and now I am a very stressed teenager. What is lost is our concept of self and this can range anywhere from loss of innocence due to sexual abuse, to the loss of self esteem and self worth due to lowering of our relative position in the social order.
THE ROLE OF THE PAST IN DEPRESSION:
Undue stress may also be the result of circumstances which we do not control while forming our concept of self as children.
1. Lack of Nurturing: If we are not nurtured as an infant we do not form appropriate constructs of the universal mother, father or prospective mate. Causes an inability to bond with others and form lasting relationships both socially and sexually. If we are not nurtured during the formative years after infancy until the age of 14 we are left to learn about life from TV, a mostly impersonal environment and our peers. May cause a lack of direction or purpose and an inability to find satisfaction or happiness.
2. Learned: Mostly those things we learn by example when growing up with a depressed or dysfunctional parent. We emulate their behaviors, coping methods and emotional responses. We learn the mechanisms of depression. There may also be a genetic component present, inherent with either the parent or child, or both.
3. Reactional: Behavior and emotional responses which are mostly a protective measure when we are abused or treated inconsistently. (Personality disorders and disassociation) Many times seen when a child grows up with an abusive, neurotic, drug addicted or alcoholic parent.
4. Inconsistency: Treatment of a child which is inconsistent with what logic and reason dictates. Many times seen when a parent interacts with a child in regards to how the parent is feeling or reacting at any given time, without regard to what the child needs or deserves at that point in time.
This problem is grossly underrated as being a major contributor to stress throughout a persons life as it causes an inability to discern an appropriate response given an emotional feeling. This is prevalent in abusive and addicted homes, but may also be the cause of emotional problems in what would otherwise seem to be a very normal environment. I also feel that inconsistency is a contributing factor in causing schizophrenia.
5. Cognitive Self Talk: Strongly influenced by learned and reactional responses, self talk may become dysfunctional when we form patterns of thinking which cause us to view the world in ways which are unrealistic. We may take on personal responsibility for the bad or evil that we see in the world around us, or become guilt consumed over what we have done. We may even feel guilt about events over which we have no control.
6. Imprinted Response: Events which were so traumatic that they were imprinted directly to the unconscious mind and they elicit reaction to triggers directly from the unconscious without conscious input or reaction. May include sexual abuse, rape and violent physical abuse. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and some forms of Anxiety) Our conscious mind may not remember or be aware of what causes these automatic responses of the unconscious mind.
7. Loss: The loss of any significant other during the early formative years may cause us to adapt to the pain with ‘solutions’ which cause us problems in later years.
8. Overprotection: Some of us have been coddled and protected during childhood to an extent that we are unable to cope with normal stress in later years. It may be that for some of us the first real test of our ability to cope with stress is during the hormonal changes of the teen years or when we first leave the overly protective environment after schooling. May cause suicidal ideation which cannot be understood by society because ‘they have it all, what reason do they have to become depressed and suicidal?’
9. The Genetic Component: I consider the depressive response as a genetic trait common to all human beings. It is a method of control by the unconscious, so much as is possible, given the complexity of our human society. There is also some evidence that bipolar disorder (manic depression) has a genetic component.
Nature Vs nurture, it is an age old argument. While there is no doubt that genetics plays a role, I think that much of what is attributed to genetics is actually behavior and the likelihood of certain patterns of thought passed generation to generation due to learned and reactional responses to our environment.
10. Organic causes. It is possible that certain abnormal hormonal secretions by the pituitary gland and some diseases such as a thyroid malfunction and certain cancers, cause increased levels of serotonin and corticosterone (a stress hormone), which are the chemical evidence that we are depressed. We are all at risk of becoming depressed during teen hormonal changes or at the change of life.
WHY DEPRESSION?
The previously listed experiences and circumstances do not necessarily cause depression, although they all contribute to putting us at risk that depression is possible, even likely. What they do cause is a level of stress which must be resolved. That is the function of the intellect of the conscious mind.
The role of the conscious mind is to provide solutions to excess stress (keep stress within the bounds of our genetic tolerance for stress), and to provide feedback to the unconscious mind in regards to environmental interaction (facilitated by our emotional responses).
When we are subjected to stress during our life, the conscious mind finds methods to cope with that stress, and the unconscious mind remembers those behaviors and thought processes which are successful in relieving excess stress. The unconscious forms habits of response (conditioned responses) in order to insure that we continue behavior which has proven successful.
This process works extremely well, given our life experiences are within the ‘norm’. But when we are subjected to excess stress such as those listed above, the process begins to break down. The ‘solutions’ provided by the conscious mind relieve stress for the short term, but they may well cause us further stress over time. Also the habits formed by the unconscious mind, in light of continued stress, become addictions and compulsions which hasten the break down. If and when this happens the ‘solutions’ then become the problem. It is this added stress of maladaptive and dysfunctional behaviors and thought processes which I term unresolved stress.
We may find comfort, protection, release and solace in our ‘solutions’ for a time, but they cause us to think and act in ways which are possibly self destructive and many times in ways which are deemed by society as being abnormal. Society will brand us as having emotional problems or that we are mentally ill.
The truth is, we are acting in a rational and normal way, given the irrational and abnormal stress we are subjected to. We must remember that the conscious ‘solutions’ were the product of the immature mind of a child. We cope with stress as best we can, using the resources available to us. Even as adults our conscious mind does not posses an innate knowledge of the workings of the unconscious mind.
If, at any point during our life we can not find solutions and relieve undue stress, or if the unresolved stress caused by our ‘solutions’ is not somehow kept within the bounds of our tolerance for stress, the unconscious mind will trigger the depressive response. This is an attempt to prevent the chemistry of our emotions from causing psychosomatic illness or even psychosis.
But, depression is not a solution, it is an interim state of protection awaiting the resolution of undue or unresolved stress by the conscious mind. If the conscious mind can not provide solutions, the depression will be prolonged or even worsened.
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It is essential that we not fixate on what has caused us to become depressed. What is important, is what we do and think now, in order to make tomorrow a little better. To blame genetics, our parents, luck or whatever, serves no purpose other than to reinforce our depression.
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© Stephen L. Bernhardt - 1996-2001
Depression Newsletter A *free* monthly newsletter exploring the relationship between the depressed conscious mind and the addicted unconscious mind. Includes the complete text of my Cognitive-Emotional Self-Help Program.
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