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A Rest Stop From Depression and Thoughts of Suicide
Volume IX
Cognitive-Emotional Self-Help for Depression (Control)
When you are depressed your life is out of control. You cannot control your emotions or your mood. Personal interaction becomes strained and your social skills deteriorate. What this guide helps you do is to begin to take control of certain basic aspects of your life in the midst of a life out of control. You DO NOT take on the problems in your life head on, but you work on controlling your EMOTIONAL REACTION to those problems. With each small success you build strength and confidence and are then able to eventually take control of your life and your emotions. When your are more in control, the unconscious mind will begin to reverse the depressive response.
I recommend a six step program in order to begin taking control of your life and your emotions.
1. A program of physical exercise which is individually tailored to your level of need. This DOES NOT mean you begin an exhaustive physical program, but all you need do physically is something more that you are presently doing in your day-to-day life.
2. An improved diet and cleansing of the body.
3. Stop reinforcing negative thoughts by using the concept of Emotional Thought Stopping.
4. A through evaluation of what, in your life, is most likely to trigger the negative, which has contributed to the depressive response.
5. A cognitive restructuring of, what you think and how you think, in regards to those triggers identified above.
6. A change in lifestyle which puts you at risk less often than before and allows you to grow and improve both yourself and your life.
This list may sound overwhelming and much too ambitious for someone who is depressed. But, let me assure you that the level of effort at which you begin will be tailored to your ability to successfully complete each task, given your present state of depression.
Here is a simplistic example of what might be done for each of the six steps if you are functioning at a very low level:
1. Exercise.
a. Walk with a friend for one hour, twice a week.
b. Deep breathing exercises when the stress triggers
angry, negative or disparaging thoughts.
c. Remember from our last talk when I redefined exercise
to also include progressive relaxation and deep breathing.
It is not important what level you start at, what is
important, is that you start!
2. Nutrition and Cleansing.
Eat an apple and drink four extra glasses of filtered
water each day.
3. Emotional Thought Stopping.
Use ETS in order to combat negative, angry or disparaging
thoughts. Also use ETS during suicidal ideation when the urge is intense.
4. Identify Triggers.
Begin to identify what in your life causes you stress, as
evidenced by your response of either anger or despair. Do
not begin with the most difficult problems in your life,
that comes later.
5. Cognitive Restructuring.
Start slow, the cognitive restructuring in regards to the
trigger identified above must result in a positive
experience. This one success will open the possibility
that you can build on that success and begin to take
control of your life and of your emotions. This gives you
a small glimmer of hope for the future and helps with the
motivation needed to continue.
6. A Change in Lifestyle.
Having started this self help exercise, in itself
constitutes a change in lifestyle and for now nothing else
need be done.
It is obvious that such a simplistic beginning will not appreciably change your depression. But there are several things accomplished when you start, even at this simple level. One, you COMMIT to doing something which, over time, has a good chance in reversing the depressive response. Two, you are DOING something which will bring about positive change in your FUTURE. This is important because we all need something positive to look forward to, in order to COPE with the present. Three, you are setting a SCHEDULE of sorts, which helps you maintain ORDER in your life and that is the beginning of perhaps the most important aspect of healing, CONTROL!
Control then is the Key. If we are able to assume and maintain control over that which is not causing us stress at this time (Our physical body, our nutrition, and some of our cognitive thought processes), we then strengthen ourselves and begin to take control of our emotions. When more control of our emotions is slowly accomplished the biological unconscious mind will begin to reverse the depressive response.
HOW DO WE BEGIN?
We begin slowly and identify those aspects of our lives in which we have a chance to control, given our depressed state. We also identify those aspects of our lives and our emotions that we cannot control at this time. For now, we protect ourselves from that which we cannot control, and at the same time we TAKE CONTROL of those aspects which we can. As we strengthen ourselves we then begin to assume control over more of the difficult problems, one at a time.
What in our lives are we able to control at this time? Unless you have an eating disorder you can control how much you eat and what you eat. Even if you have a physical handicap you can still exercise, given your personal limitations. You can control your time, when you do what, and for how long. You can control what you read, what you wear, time spent on personal hygiene, and to some extent what you think and some of your emotions.
Of course what it is that you are able to control is very personal, and only you will be able to identify those things in your life which you can control at this time. It will be helpful if you list all those things you can control and those things you cannot. Keep a journal, starting with this list, add your progress, and list some of your eventual goals. Even if you feel your life is totally out of control, the fact that you are reading this article tells me you have some control over your time and what you read. That is a start!
EXERCISE AND NUTRITION,
IMPROVED DIET and CLEANSING OF THE BODY
I am not going to sit here and instruct you on every aspect of the benefits of physical exercise, proper nutrition, an improved diet and cleansing. Much of that was covered last time. Our time together is better spent on how you might be able to take control of your thoughts and emotions. You most likely already know most of what you need to know about exercise and nutrition, it is just a matter of you taking control and practicing what you have learned.
If you need to know more, do some research. It will be time well spent and will help you take your mind off those problems in your life which are contributing to your depression.
I remember my aunt Marian, when she was 68 years old, began a program of strenuous walking and a controlled, healthy nutritional intake. Our family would visit her family in the Colorado Rockies once a year, usually around Christmas Time. That particular year I remember what a striking change had occurred in my aunt. Whereas before she was demure, somewhat sullen and hard to draw out of her shell, that year she had an inner glow, color in her cheeks, a sparkle in her eye, a willing smile and she was very responsive and attentive. The transformation was amazing, and back then that 12 year boy wondered just where the beguiling woman who he used to know as aunt Marian had been hiding all those years.
What my aunt had achieved was exactly what the modern 'make-over' artists are pushing when they advise women on cosmetics, hairdo, and wardrobe. The difference is that the transformation in my aunt was from within, and not only did it please my eyes, but it also warmed my heart.
It is this type of transformation that you are trying to achieve. An inner glow that is apparent to all who meet you. This will improve the way most people respond to you and is especially helpful if you are having trouble with interpersonal relationships. You don't try to change them, instead you improve yourself and thereby change the way they respond to you. Even when, by chance, you meet a person who indiscriminately treats everyone they encounter with contempt and arrogance, you will have more confidence, self esteem and endurance in order to weather their attempts to bolster their ego at your expense. But, this inner glow achieved through exercise and nutrition will eventually wan if you do not also begin to take control of your thought process and emotional response.
EMOTIONAL THOUGHT STOPPING
Your first step is to read or reread my article titled 'Emotional Thought Stopping - A Mood Enhancing Exercise'. ETS is an exercise that helps us to stop reinforcing the negative feedback we give to the unconscious mind. The exercise helps us to desensitize our emotional response in regards to those problems in our life (both past and present) which cause us undo stress. It is especially effective in reversing the conditioned response of suicidal ideation. ETS affords us some protection from the distress caused by those problems in our life which are not solvable at this time. Also when Emotional Thought Stopping is ineffective, it helps us identify those aspects of anxiety, trauma, compulsion and depression with which we will need the help of a competent and caring therapist.
THE FLASH OF ANGER and THE FLUSH OF DESPAIR
At the moment of an intense flash of anger or a draining flush of despair you are in effect, relinquishing control of your thoughts, emotions and your actions to that which triggered the flash or the flush. The more you react to this anger or withdraw into yourself, the more the individual or situation is able to control you. This will reinforce your anger or despairing thoughts and will insure that the next time you encounter that trigger you will again lose control. In order for you to maintain control of your thoughts, emotions and your actions when you encounter that trigger in the future you will need to do three things.
One, you will need to investigate what situations and/or individuals have become the triggers to your anger or despair and change what is needed (both cognitive and situational) in order that you are not constantly placed in stressful situations. Two, you have to stop reinforcing those reactions of anger or despair, until such time that the biological unconscious mind no longer deems that particular trigger as a threat. And finally the negative, angry and disparaging thoughts must be replaced with alternative methods of combating stress.
A PRELUDE TO COGNITIVE-EMOTIONAL RESTRUCTURING
First we must identify something to work on. It should not be the most pressing problem in your life at this time, but one where you can recognize when the flash of anger or the flush of despair causes you to loose control of your actions and your emotions.
It may be you begin by dealing with your interaction with a person such as your boss, an aggressive co-worker, or it may even be a friend who tries too hard to be 'up' when around you. You may choose to start working on a particular situation where the flash or the flush causes you distress, such as paying your monthly bills, dealing with the bureaucracy, divorce proceedings, or at tax time when faced with the prospect of bankruptcy. A good place to start is if you are susceptible to the emotional response of 'road rage' when faced with horrendous traffic congestion.
Next we need to identify what part of your behavior and emotional response is maladaptive and has become dysfunctional in regards to the trigger that you have decided to work on from above. Chances are that your conscious and unconscious minds have already implemented a control procedure which is dysfunctional. (It increases the stress and reinforces the anger or despair.)
Identifying and working on the triggers of anger and of despair is extremely difficult. In affect we are desensitizing and then reprogramming the unconscious mind in ways which are beneficial to us personally and help us deal with the stress in our lives, rather than causing further stress. Many of us will need help to sort all this out, especially if much of the problem can be attributed to learned and/or reactional behaviors acquired when we were children.
© Stephen L. Bernhardt - 1996-2001
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