Home-Index
More articles
on suicide,
depression.
Suicide is
not a
solution,
Suicide is
an end...
before a
solution
is found.
A Rest Stop From Depression and Thoughts of Suicide
Depression, Suicide:
Cognitive-Emotional Self-Help
Stephen L. Bernhardt
Volume VI
oxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxo
CHRONIC DEPRESSION (Part II)
I have received several e-mails which state how simplistic and misdirected Emotional Thought Stopping is, and that we should instead be exploring our emotions. They say that we should be open and release the anger, using our intellect to combat the depression, not repressing or stopping our thoughts.
I would agree with this assessment, given that two critical things are accomplished. You can ‘explore your emotions’, vent your anger, and think of solutions to your problems until the cows come home to roost. But if your problem solving sessions end with no realistic plan to stop depression and at the end of the day you are demoralized and not looking forward to the coming day, then what have you accomplished? Nothing! You have reinforced your anger and your despair. The next time these emotions are triggered they will likely be more intense. Many who are clinically depressed never come to the realization of this basic truth. That is because they take their counsel from Dr. Depression.
GHOSTS FROM THE PAST
There are certain events and circumstances which should never be allowed to take place in our society. But they do happen, at an alarming rate. Physical, mental and sexual abuse are a travesty against our youth and our women, an affront to the essence of that which is human. The victim must not only somehow endure the pain and humiliation of the incident, but if they are to lead a normal life, are also forced to somehow exorcise the ghosts from the past which are adversely affecting their present lives.
“My mother never even loved me, I am so all alone and lonely.”
“You are pathetic, get out of my sight.”
“Your father would have never left, if it wasn’t for you.”
“I wish you were never born.”
“You cause of all my problems, you make me sick.”
“My father hasn’t even said a word to me in the last year”
There is no doubt that physical abuse is wrong, it sickens and angers us when we witness the bruises and scars. If we, as a society, do not intervene the result may well be the death of the victim of physical abuse. We should be no less appalled and protective of the victims of mental abuse. The additional problem with mental abuse is that the bruises and scars are left on the mind of the victim and we may not be aware of the problem until long after the actual abuse.
Those who abuse are most times trying to exercise control over another human being, a control that they are unable to gain over their own life and emotions, a life which is terribly out of control. They are many times victims of abuse themselves, a fact that in no way obsolves them of their crimes, but it does explain the continued cycle of abuse present in some families.
An additional travesty concerning abuse is that the abuser and the abusive act continue to exercise control over the victim well after the abuse ends. This is manifest and reinforced in the pain, blame, anger, hate and despair which continue to plague the victim, even if the abuser is now in their grave. But if the victim is to ever gain control of their life and their emotions, the blame, anger and hate must not be reinforced, it must be stopped.
Does this mean that we must feel sorry for or forgive someone which we have just cause to be angry with or to even hate? No, we do not. At some point in time your abuser stood at a crossroads much like the one you are faced with at the present time. For whatever reason, at that time, they allowed the ghosts of anger and hate control of their life and of their emotions, resulting in their lack of control and their abuse of you. What will you do? The difference is that they did not have this manuscript to help guide them, but you do.
If you let go of and not reinforce your anger, despair, hate
and thoughts of retribution the abuser, in time, becomes
inconsequential, maybe a little pathetic in the passing.
Their control of your emotions and of your life is stopped.
You assume control!
Something which at long last, is fair and just.
THE ILLUSION OF SOLUTION
Dr. Depression has a limited number of treatments available. They only include that which makes us feel better in the here and now, and that which gives us the illusion of control. In the Doctors bag of therapies are such diverse ‘remedies’ as:
* Angles and Unicorns, aliens and other worlds.
* The death fantasy and suicidal ideation.
* The preoccupation with medications when the drugs are not working.
* Self mutilation, or blocking mental pain with physical pain.
* Over dependence on others who are depressed.
* Over dependence on ones therapist.
* Preoccupation with ones body image to block the pain and exercise ‘control’.
* Trying to control other people or events when self control is lost.
* Hiding from the pain by forming ‘protected’ personalities.
* Giving up on attempts at self control because depression is a genetic ‘disease’.
Remember the definition of ‘Dr. Depression’? It is when we allow our depressed mind to determine the cause and the cure of our depression even though the depressed mind has no experience in such matters. Our depressed mind does not know how to end depression and it has no innate knowledge of the workings of the unconscious mind.
Dr. Depression only knows how to give us short term relief from the pain of depression and the pain of life (stress). The unconscious mind becomes an unwitting accomplice because these thoughts and behaviors are reinforced (They do relieve pain and stress in the short term). But these thoughts and behaviors do not end depression and they do not solve our life problems, instead they become addictions and compulsions. The unconscious mind begins to ‘think’ that these thoughts and behaviors are germane to our very survival because they are the only ‘solution’ available.
But let me be very clear. DR. DEPRESSION IS A HACK!!
By allowing our depressed mind to dictate what is the best concerning the treatment of our depression we actually reinforce that which is most harmful in the long term.
LUCK OF THE DRAW
For many of us, whether we become depressed or not, has in some ways been the luck of the draw. We cannot change our genetic heritage, nor can we change our past. Our society is so complex that much of what happens to us is outside our ability to influence or to control. Yet, these things are *not* set in stone. Humans have the capacity for change.
Luck is a function of random possibilities, we cannot control our luck. But we can change that which is possible, by directing our actions and thoughts in the present, thereby alleviating our need to rely on luck. We have the capacity to give direction to the randomness of that which is possible.
Genetics, in regard to human behavior and the depressive response, patterns and directs environmental input, they become one and indistinguishable. If the environmental input is changed the whole can change.
Our evidence of the past is contained in the conscious and the unconscious memory of our emotional response to that past, our present reaction to the emotions of those memories is subject to change.
The patterns, habits, addictions and compulsions of the unconscious mind need reinforcement in order to remain a driving force in our lives. If, by our conscious actions and thoughts, we do not continue to reinforce these conditioned responses, they will over time, change.
Life is not as it seems.
What is true and real are merely a function of our
perception of that truth and reality.
What we perceive is subject to change.
We grow, we evolve, life is change.
Without change there is no life.
Change has an infinite number of possibilities.
What is possible can be given direction.
We have the ability to change and give direction to that which is real, true and possible in our life.
We have the ability to take control of our life, if - we - choose!
© Stephen L. Bernhardt - 2001
oxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxo
© Stephen L. Bernhardt - 1996-2001
Depression Newsletter A *free* monthly newsletter exploring the relationship between the depressed conscious mind and the addicted unconscious mind. Includes the complete text of my Cognitive-Emotional Self-Help Program.
Read the archived back issues and subscribe today!
|
I am delighted to see my guest book is being used by people to express their opinions about depression and thoughts of suicide, - check it out.
