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A Rest Stop From Depression and Thoughts of Suicide
Volume XI
Cognitive-Emotional Self-Help for Depression
(Control) Part II
Control Part II
Those who are new to depression and the chronically depressed many times assume that the cause of their depression is either situational, organic or genetic. The cognitive and emotional contribution to the cause of depression is seldom addressed and is certainly little understood. Yet, no matter your situation or your genetic lot in life, there are things you can think and do, at this very moment, which will make tomorrow a little better.
Depression feeds on itself. When we are depressed the unconscious mind is comforted by that which would do us more harm than good in the long term, simply because it must control stress at the time of inception. Our mission is to determine depressions substance needs and systematically starve it, while at the same time offering the unconscious mind alternative methods of combating stress.
Getting started, in the right direction, is the hard part. It is all too easy and common to placate the unconscious mind by using the death fantasy and suicidal thoughts in order to relieve stress. We might also withdraw from most social interaction, remain indoors and spend most of our time in bed, in an effort to hide from the triggers of angry and despairing thoughts. Our problem solving sessions are directed at finding the one true "quick fix" which will finally rid us of this pain and in the interim we find comfort in the company of puppy dogs, kitty cats, angles, unicorns and a host of other feel- good illusions of solution.
At times we may rise above our depression and become motivated to fight the demon within using our conscious will power, in an effort to overcome the compulsions and addictions of the unconscious mind. We use positive affirmations, and begin an intense program of "power" exercises, all in an effort to use the will power of our conscious intellect to force the unconscious into submission. But when we are clinically depressed, in spite of our heroic efforts, most times depression will win the day.
Each and every one of these efforts are misdirected, in that they may relieve stress in the short run, but they do not incorporate a plan to end depression. We cannot fight the unconscious mind. We must provide solutions and give the unconscious mind exactly what it needs, that being methods to relieve stress at the time of inception, giving the unconscious mind control of the emotional response. Our efforts must be directed at reprogramming the unconscious mind in ways which are beneficial to us and which insure our continued survival. As we free the unconscious mind of its compulsions and addictions the conscious mind begins to regain control.
Cognitive Restructuring:
Reprogramming the unconscious mind, at first thought, might seem an ominous and maybe even an unnatural objective. For some the thought of practicing "mind control" scares them. The question is, do you want to continue allowing your depression to control your mind, or do you free yourself from the compulsions and addictions of the unconscious mind allowing the conscious true self to regain control of your being?
Actually we program and reprogram the unconscious mind on a daily basis. We are creatures of habit and this is the natural way of learning and unlearning behaviors and mind sets. Anything that is done on a regular basis, which is also given positive reinforcement by the conscious mind, becomes a habit. The unconscious mind then "determines" that we need this substance or behavior in order to maintain our well being (it becomes a conditioned response).
So we might begin to eat potato chips, donuts, or hot and spicy because we like the taste and texture. We shortly become "hooked" on these seemingly harmless fun foods, so much so that we do not feel that a meal or a day is complete without our daily ration. But it doesn't take long and we begin to gain weight, have a constant bloated feeling, and possibly constant heart burn. We realize that these fun foods are not without their drawbacks and that we must moderate our intake if we are to remain healthy.
As we try and change these habits which are beginning to adversely affect our lives, the unconscious cravings for these foods is blocked (using a form of Emotional Thought Stopping). Hopefully we are able to stop reinforcing the unconscious habit and we substitute more healthful foods.
Now let us add to this equation a substance, behavior or mind set which is highly addictive, such as alcohol, nicotine, illegal drugs, depression and suicidal ideation, self harm, etc. Let us also add a strong genetic predisposition to become addicted to one or more of these substances and behaviors. Because of their addictive nature these substances and behaviors become a part of who and what we are. The unconscious "deems" them as being essential to our continued existence.
It is also in the nature of any highly addictive substance or behavior, over time, to become harmful. Anything, good or bad, in excess will do us harm over time. Yet it is also the nature of the unconscious to continue and defend these addictions, even though they may eventually destroy us.
If you follow the concepts outlined in this self- help guide and if you get the professional help you need, you will begin to regain control of your life and of your emotions.
A Change in Lifestyle:
What constitutes a beneficial change in lifestyle for the depressed person? When you begin the six steps which I suggest, that in itself will somewhat change your lifestyle. You will not be reacting to the negative triggers in your life as readily as before. If, what you are doing with your life is not working and causing you distress, why continue to punish yourself, why not make a change which causes you less stress and/or depression?
If you are single and frequent bars or parties weekend after weekend and are continually disappointed in the resulting relationships, why not enroll in an exercise class, craft class, or self-improvement class instead? What will you be missing, except yet another disappointing weekend and the Monday blues?
If you are married and the relationship is not what you need or expect from it, rather than trying to change your partner, why not start a program of self- improvement? Rise above the situation and your course of action will become more clear.
If you are alone and lonely the most effective way to rid yourself of the ghosts of past rejection, loss, mistreatment and pain is to concentrate on self- improvement to the point that people will stop by just to see the source of light radiating from within.
Get to know yourself, improve yourself, learn to love yourself. Why should the image of you, be entirely a reflection of how others treat you. They, for the most part, only have their best interests at heart. You need not remain a product of your past, your emotional memory of that past is subject to change. Your future changes with each passing moment, it becomes a product of your efforts, each and every moment. Take control.
Conclusion:
Change the focus of interest and concern in your life from one of your relationship with others and your personal problems, to a focus on self improvement. I know this is difficult, at times almost impossible, when faced with unrelenting situations such as an abusive partner, financial ruin, loneliness, divorce, and a thousand other problems we depressed people face daily. But, if we continue to focus the cause of our pain and the possible cure, on those individuals and forces outside ourselves, then those individuals and forces will remain in control of our emotions and of our lives. Our depression will remain and will most likely worsen.
When we change our focus to one of self improvement and work on our physical body, our mental thought process, our self esteem and self worth, we think less of blame or possible reprisal and retribution of others. This affords us more control of our own emotions and ultimately our life situation. Others see or sense the change is us and become more receptive or at least less hostel. The biological unconscious mind then senses the regain of control and begins to reverse the depressive response.
© Stephen L. Bernhardt - 1996-2001
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